Albany, or as it's known to the Illuminati, Fort Orange, is the pretend-capital of The Empire State. It is proud host to one of the few remaining classic robber baron-era-style political machines, a couple hilarious governors, and a whole shitload of crack whores. If you're in the wrong part of town, you could get mugged in broad daylight by said crack whores. If you're in the good part of town, you could get mugged in broad daylight by the Pigs.

Avoid the lower North side. And the lower South side. And the middle North side. Parts of the middle South side, too. There's a college on the uptown side, but we don't wash often enough to get in.

Albany can be navigated by paying attention to the three and a half arterial roads running West-East. The southernmost is Madison, which goes downtown from where it starts late at the corner of Western and North Allen. Madison is generally the key to reaching Elberon, where the streets flood with poo. Western, aka Route 20, goes all the way to fucking Ohio or some shit, but you need only care about the part with Crossgates Mall. Next up is Washington, where you get on and off the Northway and Thruway, which go everywhere. Finally, there is Central Avenue, which eventually reaches Schenectady, but you'll probably just use it to reach Wolf Road and the Colonie Center Mall.

It's supposed to be the center of the Capital Region, but it's really the southern end of it. Nobody gives a fuck what happens in Selkirk, but all the local cool kids hang out way up in Saratoga. The eastern side of the region is Troy and the western side is Schenectady. Duanesburg is part of the Great Western Frontier, not civilization. Clifton Park is in the middle of it all, which makes a lot of sense when you think about it. Other nearby towns of import do not include Niskayuna, Latham, Malta, Rensselaer, and, out in the eastern wilderness, Nassau. Some distance East are North Adams, MA and Bennington, VT. Up north is Glens Falls and Lake George. To the south is Kingston and New Paltz, and a bit further West is California.