/r/thebutton, now with LORE!

Why I chose 60s after 28 days.
~ By Dryus

After 28 days of waiting with the prospect of being the 'first X' (First green, first under 31s, first yellow, first orange, red, etc.) I started getting annoyed with everything that was going on. Glitched presses, cheater flairs; the value of numbers and colors was going down. Yellow was born and died out in a single night; red is no longer a rarity. 11s is the new threshold for however long it lasts.

There is a beauty in going full circle. Purple is the most hated color on this subreddit, and for what reason? Hate? Jealousy? Greed? People are holding off and waiting, staring at the timer in hopes of being a notable bullet point on the pages of this subreddit's history. But there was one thing above all that drove me to desire 60s: the grays. 28 days I was a gray, standing shoulder to shoulder with my fellow colorless.

Some do not wish to press at all, some held and continue to hold off, dreams of one-digit numbers keeping them strong. But one thing was common amongst nearly every gray in this subreddit: hate. They hate the purples. They hate the blues. They hate the greens. They hate the yellows and oranges. They hate the reds. Jealousy drives this hate. They want the release the Button provides but they are greedy and jealous. Any time a presser posts they are met with a "filthy presser" response.

Why should I align myself with a faction that is seething with hate when I could liberate myself from the chains of contempt by pressing. There is no longer any distinction between myself and those who pressed on the first of April, unaware of what this sub was to birth. I accept the consequences of my decision and greet my fellow purples as well as ALL pressers. Regardless of your color or time, I urge you to love each other.

Grays, cleanse yourself of this hatred. Whether you intend to press or not, think of the beauty of this tale. We all began gray, all born from the same hue. We were once unified, with no color or number to separate us. Some chose to accept new faces, others remained unchanged.

I love you all and urge you to do so as well.

Meanwhile in Greendale...

Annie: 59 seconds (early presser). Annie pressed the button on April Fools' Day. She won't tell anyone why. Trying to fit in? Desire to know what it does? Attempt to take part in what she thought was a lighthearted April Fool's prank? Maybe she just likes pressing buttons? Only she truly knows.

Shirley: 46 seconds. Shirley pressed the button in the forties because she wanted a blue flair, nothing more. Unless you believe the rumors that she just wanted to one-up Annie.

Pierce: 38 seconds. Pierce found out about the button three days ago and clicked it immediately. He miraculously avoided becoming a purple. He still has no idea what's going on.

Troy: 29 seconds. Troy had plans with Abed for them both to become oranges, but Troy's patience ran out. Honestly it's impressive that he held off for so long, Troy really loves pressing buttons.

Abed: 21 seconds. Abed loved the story and the drama surrounding the button, but he knew he wasn't the star of the show. He took his place in the court of oranges to allow the true heroes to become reds.

Britta: 8 seconds. Britta is /u/GyroDawn. She Britta'd it.

Jeff: non-presser. Too cool to press the button. Obviously.

The Catalogue of Rare and Exotic Button Pushers
The original button monitor
Cool data visualization

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